feb 23 is Chrysta’s birthday. she would be 47 this year. i would have called her and made fun of her for being older than me, just like i have every year on her birthday, probably since i was old enough to talk. i am not sure what i will do this year. i expect there will be a lot of crying, i will definitely eat some cake. but other than that i have no idea. oddly there is no manual for losing your sister (i did that on purpose Dannie) so i don’t know what to do on her birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas were easier i think because they are bigger than a single person, you have other traditions and people around you to take some of the missing away, there are pockets of sadness when you see or do something that triggers a memory, but then the rest of the poeple and traditions come in for a bit and move you on with the tide of the holiday.
but a birthday, a fucking birthday.. that is just about one person, a spotlight, right there on an empty chair. i don’t like empty chairs. i like chairs with people in them. with balloons tied to them and too many candles on their cake.
so if you have any helpful hints let me know.. if you don’t that is fine too, i don’t think there is any real answer anyway. i will muddle through, i am sure this isn’t the last time i will be a mess as i adjust to this void, but adjust i will.
thanks for listening 🙂