Day 6

still making better meal choices. We had dinner out friday night, but once in a 5 day period is honestly unheard of for us. we rarely cook even one meal at home during the week.

spent the afternoon today with the kid, we cleaned and decluttered the desk and shelf unit in my old office room and then i helped her sort through a bunch of boxes she had stored here in her old room. we made great progress! what a feeling of accomplishment!

there were some tears as we stumbled across things that would evoke a sudden memory of some we have lost (a rock of all things was my kryptonite today), but that was tempered by finding silly forgotten things like this…

and these fangs! and bow tie!

and i still can’t find my pecan…

A new category – Strange phone calls from mom.

so the other day, my cell phone rings, and it isn’t a number programmed in my phone which isn’t a big surprise because i am terrible about keeping my contacts updated. i answer it and it is my mom, i have a moment of concern because i know she was with my dad at a dr. appointment this morning.

Now, she has a cell phone, it can take pictures and texts but it isn’t a smart phone. so here is how it goes…  (mind you she is in Missouri, and I am in California)

Mom: I need directions to <something> farms in Campbell from Poplar Bluff

Me: you need what?!

Mom: directions to bader/vader (I couldn’t tell which she was saying) farms from Poplar Bluff, I need to know the best way.

Me: Umm OK… (opens google maps) what is it again?  vader farms?

Mom: no, Bader… Bob – andy-dog- edgar- roger

Me 🙁 googling)

Me: ahh OK, well the best way is to take blah blah highway

Mom: OK that is what I told your dad but he didn’t believe me

Me: WHY are we going to this farm?

Mom:  oh, I need some peaches.

Apparently Bader Farms has peaches worth driving MILES for

Bader Peach Farms Inc. Campbell, MO. – where every day is just peachy!




Oceanside Pier




Yesterday afternoon i walked down to the commuter train and took it to the last stop headed west.  this is where i ended up. Oceanside Pier, it is a beautiful place to enjoy the view of the sea as well as watch fisherman bring in their catch.  i have always loved the ocean, but don’t spend as much time there as i should/could. i have been working on that.

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Feb 23, a day of celebration and good memories or sobbing… likely both

feb 23 is Chrysta’s birthday.  she would be 47 this year.  i would have called her and made fun of her for being older than me, just like i have every year on her birthday, probably since i was old enough to talk.  i am not sure what i will do this year.  i expect there will be a lot of crying, i will definitely eat some cake.  but other than that i have no idea.  oddly there is no manual for losing your sister (i did that on purpose Dannie) so i don’t know what to do on her birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas were easier i think because they are bigger than a single person, you have other traditions and people around you to take some of the missing away, there are pockets of sadness when you see or do something that triggers a memory, but then the rest of the poeple and traditions come in for a bit and move you on with the tide of the holiday.

but a birthday, a fucking birthday.. that is just about one person, a spotlight, right there on an empty chair.  i don’t like empty chairs.  i like chairs with people in them.  with balloons tied to them and too many candles on their cake.

so if you have any helpful hints let me know.. if you don’t that is fine too, i don’t think there is any real answer anyway.  i will muddle through, i am sure this isn’t the last time i will be a mess as i adjust to this void, but adjust i will.

thanks for listening 🙂


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